Ikemen

This compound word derives from the word “イケてる (iketeru)” meaning “to look cool,” “to look pretty” or “to look hot” plus men giving you, ikemen (イケメン).

There’s this guy in my Japanese class who I just think is gorgeous. An ‘ikemen’ as I would classify him. I realised that I am drawn to guys who are outgoing and can handle themselves well. This guy is just like that. He is well articulate and presents himself in a way that will just awe you.

I admire people who at a young age are well established, just the opposite of me. I wonder how they can just go with the flow and own it because I struggle with it everyday.

Another thing that I realised when I think of these ikemen is that they are very ‘chinito-like’. Oo, mga bes! Gwapong-gwapo ako sa mga muhkang chinito. It might be because the first thing I normally look at is someone’s eyes. Pagsumikit na yun mga mata nila pag-ngumiti, tunaw na po puso ko.

This post really has no sense to it. I just felt like I need to share my baby-crush on this guy, hahaha!

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‘Bestfriend’

What makes you call a person your bestfriend? Is it the endless chitchats you have when you see each other? Is it the instant flow of conversations regardless of lack of time and distance? Is it the outpour of life stories, coz why keep it to yourself? Is it just having that companion who will listen to you no matter what?

So what makes you call someone ‘bestfriend’? Because to me, nowadays, I don’t think I can quite call someone that. I feel as if as I slowly enter adulthood, I have less time for people around me. They say if someone’s important, you make time. Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t but you realise that suddenly one day, putting in the effort is pointless when it isn’t reciprocated.

This will now turn into a rant so leave now if you don’t feel like reading it hahaha.

With this particular ‘bestfriend’ I’ve had countless of complications with and most I have confronted with her, coz it’s toxic for me to just keep it in. But an occurring problem between us is time. I see and communicate more with my highschool friend than with her. Then after a few months, I find out all these things about her. I mean, I’m not asking her to spill all the beans but don’t keep me in the dark while other people know about all your personal sheninegans. It’s so frustrating because I feel like I’m being left out. Maybe I’m overreacting and all but come on! I’m just so frustrated with how you’re treating this friendship.

Okay bye.

Teenage TV shows – a change of perspective

Before I start this, I just want to say that I am not really comparing or finding the differences between TV Shows now and back then, rather it’s more about my change of perspective.

Growing up, I was a fan of TV shows that are directed towards teenagers. I used to watch Hannah Montana, The Suite Life of Zack and Cody, Wizards of Waverly Place and other Disney shows. Likewise, I was into Japanese dramas and animes revolving around the characters school life. But like how the people who once played these characters grew, my love for this shows also outgrew. I don’t find them as appealing anymore and it even gets to the point to me cringing at how these “teenagers” act.

It’s not as entertaining anymore. I don’t get the same giddy feeling I get when the characters I root for are becoming more romantic towards each other. I only realised this when ads on this new coming-of-age Disney show pop up my feed.

Somewhat odd that something I used to enjoy is being disregarded. Is this one of the things you go through when you become an adult O.O.

I just wanted to share that. Just a quick drop by.

b e i n g f l a b b y

Let’s talk insecurities. I’m sure everyone has their own pile of insecurities. My biggest one thus far is my weight.

“So if you’re so concerned about your weight, why not lose it?”

Fair point. But let me be real here, FOOD IS LIFE! Food, to me, is everything. It’s my biggest comfort during my darkest days, apart from K-dramas and crying of course. Seriously though, growing up, I learnt to never, NEVER, throw away food even when I dislike it (except for maybe cheesecakes, coz that stuff is super bleurgh).

Health conscious people always tell me to just stop eating when I’m full or feel like I’m about to or to just not stack my plate (but I also eat with my eyes, so curse the person who makes it look presentable).

To be honest, though, I have dieted (which worked) and gymed (which again worked), but I just have too many excuses for myself. I admit that I have brought it upon myself to get to this point and now I am going through a self-loathing phase when I see my body in the mirror. It truly boils down to motivation and self-discipline.

i lack both

Where is this heading? Well, recently, it seems like there is a big push on #bodypositivity. And hey, I’m all for that. Different shapes and sizes shouldn’t be ridiculed in public just because it does not conform to the norm. What I’m against are social media influencers who are pushing for body positivity but live an unhealthy lifestyle. May that be to starve yourself or eat ridiculous amounts of meals in one day.

I do not claim to be perfect because I am guilty when it comes to living an unhealthy lifestyle. I am not conscious of what I put in my body, but I just wish young girls who follow these influencers recognise whether something is healthy or unhealthy.

I am insecure about my weight and how I look but I do not want to be a part of a #bodypositive community just so I can justify my unhealthy lifestyle.

I wish that made sense.

Being an adult sucks

Different societies view adulthood in various ways. It could be when you hit the legal age of 18 or 21, when you finish high school or any further studies or even when you start working more frequently and constantly. At the end of all, we grow up and enter the phrase of our lives called adulthood.

As a child, but I most especially felt this way when I was a teenager, I wanted to “grow up”. I wanted to do “adult things” without having my parents nagging at me. When I was younger I felt constrained because I wasn’t as “free” as to how I perceived adults were.

It was tough.

Or so, that’s what I thought. As a naïve child, I thought to be an adult meant you can live your own life, which still holds true, however, there is more to it than being free from your parents’ constant nagging and of course, adults treating you like a kid.

I am guilty of this.

Like how adults talked to me like I barely knew anything, that is how I communicate with a family friend who is 8 year my junior. The thing is, most teenagers think they know better. They think that their level of maturity is nearly on par as adults, which isn’t the case. As you add on to your years of living, you realise and regret some of the decisions you make when you were younger. I, too, am going through that stage and still am. I am not claiming to be this all-knowing adult, I’m just saying that when you think you can handle yourself and know it all, think again.

So, why does adulthood suck, in my opinion?

You. are. not. as. free. as. you. think.

Yes, drive yourself, stay out late, order alcohol and do whatever legal age stuff there is to do BUT you also have to cope with adult responsibilities. Who knew calling up banks, doctor or dental clinics or telco companies, to fix your plan, can be so scary. I always had my parents do it for me and for that, I am quite privileged. However, menial tasks such as those, scared me to death when I first started doing it, till now my heart thumps when I call for assistance. It does come with experience.

Additionally, as an adult, society is less forgiving when you dumb things. When you’re young, you can get away with anything stupid because “adults” would always just dismiss it as a “dumb teenager” thing to do. But as an adult, you are held accountable sometimes for your actions. There is less of the mentality of you changing hence a lesser probability of being given a “second” chance – when you do something publicly inappropriate or unaccepted.

As adults get older, the less dependent you are on your parents or carers, except for some rare cases wherein the son or daughter is in need of assistance, i.e. severe disability. But for most adults, you start becoming independent. Transitioning is not easy, some are pushed to transition earlier than others due to financial need or just wanting to be independent earlier.

At the end of the day, I wish I was able to enjoy having fewer responsibilities, as a child, rather than wishing back then that I grow up already so I can be independent. Nothing bad about it, I suppose, but it’s not as easy as it seems.

 

It has been a while..

Hello friends, happy 2018. I know I’m a month late but nonetheless happy new year to you! 🙂

It has been a while since I’ve written on this blog. I know I mentioned about writing about my adventures in Vietnam, particularly HCMC but I just haven’t. It wasn’t particularly a holiday too so I rarely had time to write. I’ve been back for more than a week now and I do have time to write, I just can’t. I envy the people who are articulate and can manipulate their words to express themselves, I can’t. Maybe because I’ve lost the extreme urge to put my feelings down into writing or I just don’t have those extreme emotions anymore. They say you need to find your inspiration so you can write, I haven’t had that driving force in a while. Bought my own domain but I haven’t used it to the fullness of its capacity… sadly.

I’ll write soon, when I’m in the right headspace. I want to share my experiences in HCMC and perhaps other areas we visited on the weekends.

Till next time,
B.

Bye Melbourne, Hello Ho Chi Minh

I am having so many feels atm, I’m scared for the most part. ‘I never thought travelling with my parents can be so nerve-wracking’ – says an overprotected child. But I reckon it’s not just because I’m travelling by myself but because I am also going there to teach. Teaching placements to me are always scary especially if I’ve never taught the students before. There’s the issue of will I be able to deliver quality education and also, having to deal with the new environment, adjusting to the new mentor and being firm towards your students while building rapport with them. It is not easy, it never got easy. I always never know what to expect and after each placement, I feel accomplished but at the same time, I feel like a failure. I added new techniques and strategies – know hows – but also the feeling of being nowhere this ideal teacher I picture in my mind.

Those are just some of my worries as a pre-service teacher in here. Imagine going overseas, to a country unknown to you and having these worries double up. So why did I even do it? To challenge myself. I like the idea of travelling but more than, I love the idea of travelling while being able to do something that could benefit less privileged kids. While growing up, I always heard the phrase, “The children are the future”. I believe it. They will one day affect the future of present-day adults with decisions they will be making, whether that be in a minor-scale or a larger one. As an adult who was given the opportunity to study and live a life where my daily needs are met, I want to be able to bring back to the community. Growing up, I would hear or see stories of children travelling miles, way and beyond just to be able to learn. Thus, young me has always wanted to give something to children who are not able to do so due to financial matters. This idea has been stuck in my head for the longest time but I haven’t been able to fulfil it because of personal reasons.

Although I’m not particularly going to the slums, I want to try and teach in a country that does not specifically speak the same language as me. That, in itself, is a challenge. It will be a new environment for me as this will be my first time in Vietnam.

Apart from all my teacher worries, I have two more personal worries. I am not your typical Asian, body-wise. I’m quite overweight and I know that Vietnamese people can be quite blunt when saying someone’s fat, or from my experience here, that’s what I have observed. I will try and take it in with an open mind but I can get a bit sensitive HAHAHA. But I’ll live. Tbh, I’ve been searching up different experiences from tourists who’ve gone to Vietnam who are more on the heavier side and I have found some but all from people who are of a Caucasian background. I haven’t seen a blog post or forum thread that came from an Asian person. So I’ll try and post about my experience and hopefully, if someone out there will be in the same boat then it might help them or at least know what to expect.

But that’s it from me for now, I will try to vlog and blog my experience this month. Hope all goes well and I get past the airport security because what’s the point of worrying when I can’t even enter the country, haha!

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Here’s an obligatory plane shot from my flight 4 years ago. I won’t be having it this time around because I will be taking the red-eye flight. Dreading it already.

Tạm biệt (for now) 🙂